RI OPEN - THE PROS and THE REST OF US

BILLETING - The Pros

Golfer 1: "Hey, you going to the pro tournament in town this week?"

Golfer 2: "Yeah. You?"

Golfer 1: "I might as well. Tiger Woods is staying at my house during the tournament and he needs a ride to the course."

Golfer 2: "Really?"

Golfer 1: "Yeah, and Ernie Els and Vijay Singh are staying a street over at Greg's house."

Golfer 2: "Wow. What's his World ranking now."

Golfer 1: "Tiger is 52 and the guys at Greg's are in the 60-70 range."

Golfer 2: "You gotta do anything special?"

Golfer 1: "Not really. They sleep a lot, text continuously, need to practice a little and love pasta. Really nice guys and they gave me some tips on improving my game when we hit balls together."

Now, just change the names to Zac Alexander, Amr Swelim and Jan Koukal. Although not household names, they rank among the best in the World at what they do. As a squash junkie, it's very cool to hang with they guys you see on Youtube or read about in Squash Magazine.
Getting on court with them is also a treat. Just when you think you have your game dialed in or a particular shot that you think is absolutely perfect, they open your eyes to just how good they really are (and how much we normal humans really suck). They not only get EVERYTHING, they hit a winner off the best shot you've ever hit in your life.

So, next time a pro tournament comes to town fix up the spare bedroom and eat some pasta with the guy that could soon be the best squash player in the World.

TOURNAMENT RESULTS

Zac Alexander beat Jan Koukal in the final 3-0. The rally's were incredible. At one point there were over 100 shots in a row (the point ended in a LET!)

You might also be interested to know that Zac also won his next PSA tournament in Saskatoon with a win over Amr Swelim in the final there.


THE REST OF US

RICC was very well represented in the tournament on all skill levels. Apparently, some forgot to put their age in the registration form - mare later.

Father Hugh was in attendance all days, not playing - just keeping an eye on everybody and the tournament to make sure it all went off without a hitch.

Gemma played in the 5.0 draw and had his hands full with the 17 year old, Junior at St. George's. The kid had a huge advantage due to being used to the courts so it was a bit unfair. It also looked like he didn't sweat or breath hard - in any of his matches. Apparently he's being groomed for a slot on the Indian National Team.

In the 4.0 draw Nina had a run in with the basketball short wearing, giant, sleeveless ogre - 2nd year in a row. A new rule will be put in place for next years tournament - Shorts must be worn above the knee and all shirts must have sleeves.

I was in the 4.0 and like Gemma, was not used to the courts. The best part of the tournament for me was that I was lucky to come across a men's clothing store where I scored a great pair of corduroys. I just don't play well on the St. George's courts.

There were a bunch of 3.0 and 3.5 guys from RICC around. I'm not sure what draw they were in but they deserve mentioning. Auber played pretty good. Mini-Ted played OK but Auber clobbered him. Unfortunately for Sweet Lou, he was battling a severe cold. But, as we know, there's no quit in Lou and he valiantly battled on. Nice job guys.

But the magic of the tournament was in the 2.5 draw. RICC showed up with a couple never-evers and they were a treat to watch. I was even lucky to be asked to referee one of our guys. You're wondering what a "never-ever" is. A "never-ever" is a guy who has never-ever played in a tournament before. The "never-ever" walks around the squash venue with eyes like saucers trying to take it all in, not knowing where to turn and which court to watch. They don't know where they can or should stand to watch, when they can get on a court and they can't figure out who is in their draw so they can "scout" them. They are in disbelief. They've never-ever seen so many squash players and so many courts. They can't believe how hard some of the other players hit the ball and why nobody showed them the skid-boast or the "whadcha call that shot? A Philadelphia?" You can see them become visibly apoplectic with excitement, consternation, and nervous energy. But, the "never-ever" is the heart and soul of the future of squash. The "never-ever" is the new blood, the growth of the sport and squash junkies in the making.

Finally, the never-ever does settle down just enough to find the locker room, find the right court, check the number on the door again to make sure and then when they see their opponent, question themselves again. (I can't be playing her!)

The two stand-out "Never-evers" were TROOPER and LA JAY.

LA JAY is a clothing and fashion trendsetter. He is bringing his golf fashion prowess to squash and is about to turn the squash fashion world on its head. So much for all whites or conservative gear to match the historically stayed game of squash. Bumble Bee fashion is IN. Yellow shirt, knee high socks, left and right upper arm tendon bands and matching yellow trimmed court shoes let all the participants know there is a new "playa" in RI Squash and he is here to stay! I'm not sure how he did in the tournament but he looked like he was having a great time.

The TROOPER, not to be outdone by LA JAY, and measuring in on the hyper-competitive scale at a smidge over the Sweet Lou level, he decided to throw his weight around and do what he had to do to win. At 6'3" and 240 lbs he's an intimidating figure in jack boots, starched blouse and britches, Canadian Mountie hat and fire-arm. Maybe in his next tournament he'll wear his uniform on court. Because, without it, he was no match for a 4'10", 83 lb 7th grade, private school, girl. Apparently she's tougher to intimidate than your average felon. Despite being hip-checked and "accidentally" knocked to the floor, little Molly picked herself up and kicked the coffee and donuts out of the Trooper.

In the Trooper's next matches he looked like a man among boys . . . because he was. The talent was tougher but not much bigger or older than his first match. The Trooper held his own in the following matches a bit better after learning the lay of the land. The next tournament he plays in he'll be sure to wear his leather holster and firearm on court for affect. "Hey, if it ain't illegal then its legal."

All that being said, it's fair to say that most everyone enjoyed themselves.

Better luck next year!
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