PRE-SEASON

RICC B-RED

A Pre-seaons hello from your FORMER CAPTAIN. Yes, I have officially passed the baton to Jenks for the season.

Although it is still golf season there has been some pre-season workouts going on. Serious squashers!

Former Capt.

Final Standings

When you look at the final standings on the RISRA webpage, it looks pretty accurate.

THERE'S NO CRYING IN SQAUSH

I'm Way Behind on the Posts - SORRY!



PLAYOFFS - VS. BROWN

Well, that does it. We really did a great job this season. Except for Coogs, everybody really stepped up their game. Sorry to single you out Coogs but, you're old, your bones are letting you down, you never showed up and when you did play, you choked! Give Bubba Lombardi a call; he choked in the C - playoffs - up 2-0 and Nina's GAG Reflex showed up. Maybe you can beat him?


For such a conciliatory posting I'm sorry for being so harsh to my fellow team mates.


#2 Patch vs. Capt.

Patch is a freak. He crushed me but, I did everything I could to get in his head. Tough to penetrate rock. Hads, thanks for reffing. I know I promised - way back at the beginning of the season - not to argue with the Ref, even if he's wrong but . . . 1. The ref was wrong - sort of; 2. I had to try something; 3. I had nothing to lose. Sorry Chris. 1 down with 4 to go.



#5 Nina vs. The Professor

This was a good one for Nina, after turning purple she put the hurtin on Horowitz he so justly deserved. As we were aware all week, we needed to win at the 3, 4 and 5 spots. Nina held up her end of the deal and kept hope alive. Nice solid win with good tight shots, playing smart deep rails while moving her opponent around - NICE SQUASH! Oh, by the way - Paddle sucks and it hurts your squash game. Good luck at the Nationals next week!



#3 Jenks vs. A-league hands and D-league feet

Are you kidding me? This was one of the best matches I have ever seen, bar none. I cannot wait to see Jenks at the pool this year. He dove more times in 5 minutes on the wooden floor than I did all last summer off the diving board at the club pool. There was no quit in Jenks. Every point counted and the only point that was going to make him stop was the LAST POINT - no matter who got it.

The knees were battered, bruised and bloody. The elbow and wrist were swollen. The wet spot on the floor was extensive.

Would I get in a foxhole with you? ANY DAY!

Jenks goes out to a 2-0 lead in games and I'm thinking "This is our night." Games 3 and 4 are the exact opposite of 1 and 2 as Jenks stopped listening to his own advice and either hit it into the tin or resorted to his hardball, reverse boast bullshit. Please FOCUS!


Game 5 does not start well for Jenks! He's down 0-6 and hope is fading. Then, all of a sudden, the straight shots come back and he throws in a couple, "F U I'm not giving up" dives that turn into winners. The British doctor with the Muslim name is stunned! Not only is he stunned but he is now too tired to even get excited, nor does he have enough energy to fight. His D-league legs have given out on him and he starts to feel the match slip away from him.

At 8-8, A-hands calls Set 2. Jenks goes down 9-8, he wins the next point on a 2-dive, dropped racquet, get up and win the point and the gets it to 9-9. At match ball he hits an unlikely cross court winner to win the game and match 10-9.!!! As Al Michaels said in 1980 - "Do you believe in miracles?"

Dobby and I kept track of all the NICE SHOTS!, Great Serve, OHHHHHH and WHHHOOOO comments. Jenks dominated there as well; Dr. A/D had only one Oh Shit! Who has all the heart? JENKS!

YOU REALLY NEED TO CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE!

All Hads has to do is tame the Spider Monkey and we are in the finals!

#4 Hads vs. Spider Monkey - -Click here!

All our hope was resting on the one guy who has all the stories and has been playing for more years than the rest of our team combined. Unfortunately, Hads is in skiing shape and not squash shape. The Monkey just kept running, and running and running and running. - Click here!

All our hopes rest with Gryphon!

#1 GRYPHON vs. WunderLICK
Thanks for the supreme effort. On behalf of the team, thanks for making the match, re-arranging your schedule, flying home when it was not that easy, playing as hard as you can and remembering your team mates were counting on you. Your effort is appreiciated.

We will win the whole thing next year!

Capt. Morgan

2 Week Summary

NEWPORT
Newport was awful, except for the food. Even with an interesting line-up shuffle we got our assess handed to us.

#1 Capt. v. Braisted
Surprisingly, the match was pretty close. I lost 3-1 to a guy who plays A-5.

#3 Jenks v. His Excellency The Pope
Even with the white hat and staff, The Pope just crushed Jenkins. It was awful to watch. The guy is a total shooter/dinker. It's not even squash. The Pope should be excommunicated from the squash league for the way he plays. 3-0 and Peter took a beating and didn't know what hit him. White man over-bite squash, i.e., no rhythm.

#4 Nina v. Huggins
A 5 gamer. Unfortunately, Huggy runs very well to the front and Nina decided to hit shots to the front. Shots to length worked great but she used too few of them to get the win. Our #4 spot is turning into our #5 spot from the 1st half.

#5 Hads v. Fashion Genius
Hads traveled to NPT from Fall Reeeve for the make-up match. I didn't bother asking what he wore this time but you can bet that it wasn't pretty. Maybe he graced the court in his saggy, tope bike shorts that were once black. Anyway Hads rolled 3-0. Our only win so far.

FOOOD! We ate at Pour Richards on Broadway. Great little place. Little nceks with portugese sausage was great. Scallops and risotto was delicious. Grilled chicken sangwich with salsa and gwock was very yummy.

AGAWAM

This was the first time in a long time we all showed up and played on the same night.

#1 Gryphon v. Guy with a serious heart problem
Short match 0, 3,0. The guy with the heart problem wasn't even sweating. Gryphon lost. Hey, playing 3-way after was fun.

#2 Capt. v. High Shorts
The court was hot, the ball stayed up forever and my legs were tired. This was the first time I had ever lost to HS. He's in good shape and playing a lot better than in the past. I'm disappointed in the 3-1 loss. I think I lost a few pounds of water. At the end I think I was dehydrated because I almost passed out.

#3 Hads v. Hockey Player
A pretty easy match for Hads. Not too much work and never in doubt 3-1 to Hads. Plenty of F - bombs from the hockey player during the match. Nice job Hads!

#4 Nina v. President of Bryant Univ.

Another 5 games for Nina and another loss. See the next Blog Update for a full account of the Nina Chronicles.

#5 Dobby v. Wally

5 games but in the end the victory was clear. Dobby was much more fit than Wally and didn't need the calls to go his way to get the win. A strong victory and the winning streak at the #5 slot continues. Nice work Dobby.

Capt.

FALL RIVER FUN

FALL RIVER YMCA - THE LAMBEAU FIELD OF SQUASH

You need GPS to find the place due to all the construction. Some of us without GPS got a little lost. Those who got it as a present from their Mommy found the place no problem. It's hard enough to find the place; it's harder to play once you get inside.

There's only one court so the matches take forever. The one court that they do have has a front wall like a frozen sponge. FRY has home court advantage like no other place in the league. Throw in the sideways bounces out of the back corners and the whole match turns into a big guessing game. Luckily we were treated to some fine quizine at The 99 Restaurant after the match. So much for their catch phrase,"You'll always go back for more." Thanks, but no I won't. It would be more appropriate if it were "You'll never go back for more."

#2 Jenks v. Big Bob Hads

Bob the bunter tried to play his standard dink and run game but Jenks countered with smash and cross-court smash. I only saw a little of the match. From my perspective it appeared Jenks had the match in hand from the beginning. At the end of the match his shirt was only slightly sweaty. Maybe it was the domination or maybe it was that the match was played in a freezer. 3-1 Jenks.

#3 Capt. v. Tenney

I'd never seen anyone so tired so fast. I concentrated on hitting the ball as high on the frozen sponge as possible and worked on getting to the T so I could pick up those tricky drop shots the FRY guys all use. Tenny was gassed, he hit his drops into the tin and if the rally went longer than 5 shots he looked like he was going to puke. Another win for the good guys.

#4 Nina v. The Bird

It was a good match. Lots of good reaction shots with good hands. No rules disputes like the week prior. As a matter of fact, there were a number of points in the match where Lets and Strokes would have been awarded but the point was played through. (NINA - Call a Let once in a while).

There were some bad decisions which resulted in some minor outbursts - "RETARD!" which sounded extra funny coming from a Yale grad. And, there was some tangling at the T by both players when they were tired resulting in "Move your Fat Ass!" being called. It was quickly pointed out by a spectator (Harvard Grad and teammate of the Bird) that Nina was not talking to the Bird, although he could understand if he thought she was.

Tough match with Lambeau court being the advantage. 2-3 to the Bird.

#5 Dobby v. Larry

Dobbs was pissed. He couldn't get the ball back past the service line due to Lambeau Court. The losing streak continues at the #5 position. All tied 2-2.

Capt. Morgan

RIVERBEND FINALE

DOBBY V. KAMBIS
It looked like the UN had taken over the squash courts. Those two guys were walking around, Riley was throwing his Cockney accented slang around in front of kids and some other guy was speaking Jenkinese. It was all very confusing.

Ultimately it was a good day for the Patriots and they're going to the Super Bowl against the NY Football Giants.

Anyway, the streak at the #5 spot continues. 4-1 on the week isn't bad. Hang in there Al!

Capt. Morgan

Last Week Of The 1st Half

RIVERBEND - WHEN WINNING WASN'T FUN
4-0 with 1 to go (bring a ref)

Squash is a special sport and sportsmanship is an essential component of the competition. Playing in the league as a team intensifies the raw competiveness of the game because you are not only out on the court to win for yourself but also for your team. You have an obligation to the other 4 players on your team; they are counting on you to try your best and play as hard as you can until the last point. We keep score for a reason. However, when we play we are supposed to be fair and honest.

We all love to win and we all hate to lose. As competitors we thrive on the challenge, the workout, the comradery, the feeling of exertion and execution, the feeling of being a teammate and especially the thrill of victory. We know the difference between the feeling we get when we lose and when we win. Depending on the individual, we compete to enjoy the feeling of winning or we compete to avoid the feeling of losing. I think it was the great Greek philosopher, Aristotle or Socrates who said "The beer is always a little colder and tastes a little better after a win." Oh, how true that can be.

In our second year in the B-League we are finally getting to taste the sweet nectar of victory. We are consistently winning matches and we are enjoying ourselves much more this year. Unfortunately, despite the 4-0 beat down of Riverbend, the experience left a sour taste in our collective mouths. 2 of the 4 opponents last night showed incredibly poor sportsmanship. The details of the matches below will reveal why the beer was warm and skunked.

#2 Toph v. Martin

As Toph told anyone who was in earshot, this was the re-match of an epic battle from long, long ago. In summary:

15 yrs ago they played in the RISRA team finals (Fall River

(4th year in a row without winning) v. Newport), 4th match,

Toph losing 0-2 and 4-8, 4-8 and 4-8 -pulls off the win, ties

the match at 2-2, 5th match - FR goes up 2-0 and 5-0 -

LOSES AGAIN! Did I leave anything out?

OK. Back to present day. Toph and Martin played a nice clean game. Plenty of rails, drops and lobs. Toph did all he could to drag his ragged ass all over the court. The patented lean over with elbow on inside of knee and almost excessive talking and ball bouncing was prevelent. He also made a point to ask the for the score - again - every time it reached 8-4 or 4-8. We get it already. A nice win to start out the night.

#3 Capt. v. Otto

I had played this guy before down at Riverbend. He just hits the crap out of the ball, stands in the way, crowds you and never thinks when you ask for a let it is deserved. I was looking for a ref for my match but Toph had to go home to eat, Nina was going on the other court and Jenks hadn't arrived. We managed with Jenks' opponent watching and providing some commentary to help out in some of the rough spots. Nathan was there too but bailed out after the second game. Otto was making some suspect calls - like a let on game ball in the 1st that nicked out. Although the attempt to frustrate and obfuscate were there I didn't let it bother me. That doesn't mean I let him get away with anything; I let him know what I thought of his calls. Fortunately, game 1 was the only game I lost and my 2008 resolutions are still in tact as there was no ref to argue with.

#4 Nina v. Little Tony the wrestler

This is where the night really begins to get interesting.

Short version: A win is a win - good job Nina.

Long version: Nina was crushing the Midget Wrestler after the first 2 games. LTTMW (Little Tony The Midget Wrester - Click on the link) clearly couldn't handle losing to a girl and started cheating. Calling for Lets when clearly not entitled, arguing with Nina when she asked for a Let. As anyone who has played with Nina knows, you can count on her for absolutely failing to call Lets and Strokes for her own benefit; if she asks for a Let it's most likely a Stroke. That being said, the little bugger was having a serious problem with the rules. A clear indication of his not knowing the rules is that he slammed a shot into Nina's thigh. Nice bulls-eye! For those reading this and thinking I'm picking on the poor little fella - NOT TRUE! The guy has a seriously bad reputation. He and his ways are well known throughout the league. He hunts for Lets and Strokes by playing the body instead of the ball.

As it happens, I was watching the 5th game of the match when his antics were patently obvious. He asked for a Let, rightly or wrongly, I commented "No Let." I was then asked if I was the ref. I answered no, but was willing and it appeared that one was needed. The game went on without one and almost immediately another attempt at cheating was made by LTTMW. At this point, our mild mannered, most always friendly and polite teammate in Pink says "Just play Freekin Squash!" At this point LTTMW walks off the court forfeiting the 5th game. As he was walking away he says "I'm disappointed." To which Nina responded, "That makes both of us." Nice!

A few minutes later, in what seemed almost surreal, Nina asked LTTMW if he wanted a beer, gatorade or something to drink. Dumbfounded by the extreme civility, LTTMW mumbled "wha? uh. No. huh? No thanks." Ok, see you at TPG! NOT!

#1 Jenks v. The Man With 2 First Names

We really didn't know what to expect with this match. The man with 2 first names was new to the league and nobody really knew what to expect. He had a couple of good wins under his belt during the season but nobody knew his game.

As it turns out, Jenks picked up on his strengths and weaknesses and was able to capitalize. He realized that "2 Name" had a weaker than expected backhand. SHAZAM! Points were made and games were won.

Somewhere during the match - either game 3 or 4 - there was a ripping sound. Both players were looking at each other trying to figure out where the noise came from. A quick runway spin revealed Jenks had suffered a blow-out in the rear of his shorts. Nice look!

The noises continued in game 5. As Jenks was about to serve - and during his inquiry of the score - he belches like he just ate 3 hot weiners and a Coke. It was loud and probably smelled pretty bad. The funny thing is, Jenks had no recollection of the belch.

Clearly all the noises, clothes ripping and belching took its toll on "2 name" and Jenks grabbed the victory.

So now we're up 4-0 with only Dobby to play.

#5 Dobby v. Kaz

As a reminder to our teammate, the following are his quotes showing his attitude and confidence.

I thrive on pressure. I’m rested/ready. Second half of the season. It’s go time.

I guess we'll see.

Capt. Morgan

A Break In The Season

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

With the squash season being so long (like a marathon) and our bodies needing a rest, the break in the competition comes at a great time. There's been no lack of rest for the weary on our team. Travel for the squad included skiing in Vermont and Lake Tahoe (excellent cross-training) and numerous warm weather venues, St. Thomas, Jamaica and Philadelphia. I hope everyone had a great holiday, is well rested and ready to get back on the courts.

2008 Squash Resolutions
With an attempt to become "better" - in a number of ways - I'm going to resolve to "improve" myself in the coming year by doing the following:
1. Do not argue with referee - even when they don't know the rules
2. Play with lower level players to help them get better
3. Play with higher level players to get better
4. Read at least 1 squash rule and its explanation per week
5. Do at least 12 court sprints after every time I play

Capt. Morgan